Experimentos Linguisticos!

Do you know how to harden the steel?? first, you heat it up, untill it is easy to work with, and after you’ve given it a shape, you hit it, you hit it hard. Then you’ll heat it up again and hit it again, and again, and again. My life feels that way recently… I was given one thing to look forward to, then it was taken from me,and i thought i’d never get it back. To life, it was not enough, so it handed me a new goal, to rise from the ground and grow towards that goal, but it was taken from me once again. And it was still not enough, life gave me back my passion, and complimented it with one goal, not long after, took away my passion.

I know i won’t break from just this, but the hammer keeps on falling, and I see no end to it, I no longer want to be hardened, i’d rather be one frail flower than this tough steel that can no longer bend; i’d much rather sit in the dark and believe that behind the mirror there is one wonderful  place that I can reach with my words, that just behind the corner there is  this beautiful place i’ve not noticed. “It’s just about relaxing” I tell myself, but in the bottom i know… I know it all too well, it’s about relaxing AND taking action… I want to believe that the time is now, for each and every single thing, but i end up saing, “maybe later will be better” and i end up doing nothing… 

It’s sad, and i feel lonely, but the hammer does not care… the hammer will keep on falling untill i’ve stopped it… the darkness wo’t go away, and i’ll be one with it, i’ll fuse with the sky, i’ll become dust, i’ll flow like the water and blow with the wind, for i’ll be done with this world, and the next one will be awaiting for me…

It’s about the words

it’s not about haw many words you use, or how well you use them, or how correct your grammar is… it’s about how you can tell your feelings, and make others understand that joy, or pain, that is making you live your life to the fullest. Since life is filled with emotions, there is nothing that can bring someone down, or pull them up as these things, that carry your weight in the air, or fill you with lead. In these world of imagery, there is nothing more real than words, since they create an universe by themselves, they can open up your eyes, they can make you feel… but they can also limit you… if you don’t know something exist, you can not imagine it… I wouldn’t be able to imagine a centipede if i hadn’t been told how they were… I wouldn’t be able to imagine the origin of the world, if Tolkien hadn’t wrote it, I woudn’t feel this uncertainty if Orwell hadn’t published his masterpiece in 1948, I wouldn’t be able to analyse if i didn’t know the concept of “analysing”. So, my friend, rise up your words, and make others understand the reality that you are living, make them understand the frailty of life… but mostly, make yourself understand what makes you live :)

No more Walking

And that’s when you feel it… that sensation crossing through your chest. It’s not exactly sorrow or sadness… its way simpler. I’m not really sure what it is, but it pushes your heart against your ribs… and it aches… all the time; as a needle through your skin, you can’t get it out, and you cannot stop feeling it. And when you breathe, you can taste it in the back of your tongue, this sad feeling… then it goes to your eyes, and you can feel your eyes bobbling and getting filled with tears and hopes that’ll never go out, they’ll stay with you until you are no more. Then you breathe again, and you notice that your head is light, it’s calm and mostly, it’s quiet… no thoughts to take you away from this moment, from this feeling, from this hope. The sky is clear, and your lounges are filled with air, refreshed every moment, even now… and now… and now… Then, you’ll close your eyes, and that image… that most beautiful image will come to you, and you’ll know that it’s forever in the past, but it’s when you open your eyes that you see the road… and the fog… maybe you’ll have to crawl or maybe you’ll be able to run, but for now, all you can do is keep on breathing and move, one step at a time, one breath at a time, one feeling at a time. And when your time here is done, you’ll look back, and rejoice, for you accomplished more than you ever thought you could, then you’ll smile, close your eyes and that image will come again to your mind, but there is no more time, and you’ll be there, smiling, with no more walking to do.

Ejercicio 2

Seems like i’ll never be able to getmy answers straight, be it for the dishonesty of people around me, or my own shyness… whenever i want an answer, and i want it to be true, a thousand barrers come in front of me: selfishness, shyness, hatred….. love….. useless feelings geting in the way of a simple life. A tells B to tell C that A+C=good idea, without knowing or even caring at all that some think that B+C should be the answer, while it’s clear for some that C+Z it’s the right choise; and i’m left standing there, watching… knowing that none will ever know the true answer. Selfishness, Shyness, Idocy, Mediocrity…. the world is filled with Oafs and Cretins.

Brains, heart, soul… the three parts i’m missing… I feel like the world is based on a brainless society that got it’s heart ripped off from their chest while their brains dried off in the color-box; The decay of the soul was only a consecuence of the previous operation, without a brain to undestand that the heart is gone, and without a heart to feed the soul it was only natural that the decay of the soul came soon.

And when I finally meet a brained person it seems like it has no heart. when I met a heart-filled body, it turned out to be a brainles body… i’m still waitinfg for the day that i’ll meet a full body, who doesn’t have a maggot-filled brain, a hollow heart and a empty soul. I wonder if it’ll ever become true…

And that makes me think… am i a brainless person? i’m most definitivle not. am i a heartless person? if having a heart means liking a fb sstatus to help save someone, then i am indeed heartles (however that fb status is a brainles one) am i souless person?  if it’s required to love all the brainless, heartless people, then i’m really souless…

Ejercicio

Necesito hacerme tiempo para escribir… asi que dejare de pintar por un rato para escribir esto:

mixed feelings… that’s what i get. I’m looking at a picture on facebook and I feel lonely, but i look forward and see my friends, and i cannot be sad, because they are always so happy… then my mind reminds me of some other time where the sun was bright and i become blue, then i look up to the sky and gaze at the stars… see them shine, and nothing is wrong… ever…. the song changes, and i remember that we listened to that song together, but we weren’t together i play a new song and slip into the new times as if i had never been sad.

the paint is driping slowly and the madness is leaving…. or is it coming?? had i known that the colors would even make most part of my dreams, would i had chosen this path? I cannot see myself anymore in any of the other paths i could choose from…. except from one…

most of my thoughts have changed…. from a simple straightforward and clear mind, now all i’ve got is aksfjñdknfla askldnf asdfiolna ihvrakip a8hbgad aiopidndkfp ialnsdlfih lhauisdb,f lillka ,asdnln kalsdnlliba ulefbn lshd jlkiu asdi buasd udksjdu…. how can i ever make you under-stand these thoughts?

alsdkfnañd lasndlkfn ihalnskdn halsdnd ,amsdniv nuhsdl iyaksddn iuasldn hkasjdn break a word in-to it’s si-la-bles and the mea-ning may change dras-ti-ca-lly, spe-cia-lly if you do it slooooow-ly doesn’t it?

And when is my wizard comming? it wanted to see me trembling, but it’s nowhere near; I can barely feel it’s presence anymore… While the sunshine went on, we could get ourselves in troubles, but the night it’s at it’s deepest, and neither it nor I can get any trouble. It was supposed to be our leader, but our so called “leader” is not here. did he really burn at that time? or did i catch a glimpse of his magick? will I ever see him again

I screwed up… that night everything went wrong…. and I told them that i’d be there forever… now what am i going to do? it’s not like i’ve left, but still… i’m not there for her… i should have known, that spell had it’s consecuences. If only i had studied it a little longer; and of course, it was so obvious once you pull the darkness to a new moon and tie them together with a lace of shadow there is only one possible consecuence, but i was far too stupid to see….

I still remember clearly, as if it was just a couple of years ago… how much time has passed? it feels like ages since i saw that last sunset; ever since i’ve been in a complete darkness. There is nothing here, and no way to tell the time… however, I still remember that last fire, burning high up in the sky… as it would burn whenever the wizard did any complicated spell, as if he had been born out of fire… so it’s only natural that it would end up that way…

I’m such an idiot. Had I been able to fortell the nature of that spell, this eternal time might have been avoided. Yet, i’m standing here, next to that black statue, that will be an eternal memento of that which I lost, all those decades ago… My compassion for this city is about to end… I finally got my priorities straight. After all these tries i should have known… the city will perish, and i’ll break that damned spell….

what would happen if i kill myself now?

how it hurts

ohh how it hurts to see
it hurts to see your face;
your indifferent face
your pocker face

but it hurts
way more to know
that even now
it’s only my heart

you’ll look away and smile
i’ll look away and i’ll joke.
but,
did we ever looked at each other?

funny,
how i fooled myself
funny how i made myself believe
and i start to wonder…
did i truly felt it?
or…
did i just made myself believe? 

Si estas tú

Y el cardomomo en tu piel, llamandome a fumarte. siempre al más ligero rose, una oleada de olor, llenandome. siempre enloqueciendome, siempre llevandose algo de mí; un ojo, una mano, un pie, dos metros de cordura. Ahora estoy en numeros rojos; más loco que nunca, más vacio que siempre. Pero cuando el viento sopla y vuelvo a sentir el olor de cardomomo bajo mi nariz, estoy en las nubes, no importa si no tengo mis ojos, puedo ver, no importa si no tengo manos, puedo tocar, no importa si no tengo pies, puedo caminar, no importa si estoy loco, pues estás tú

And so this is february

soo… this is february and i haven’t updated this thing… it’ not that i’ve stoped writing… it’s just that all that writing is in a Math’s notebook… which isn’t mine btw…. so here’s a little short story just to keep this thingy alive :) (and to try and break the 4th wall…)

[after writing the story revision: it doesn’t breakt the 4th wall… well… i still like it XD]

Happy Valentines Day!

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So, this was me, just sitting around doing nothing. Yes, that’s right, doing nothing; absolutely nothing, sitting around in my couch, doing my Rubik’s cube once and again. My mind focused on absolutely nothing, I might have been stoned, can’t remember. But, one thing is for certain, you entered my field of vision, then entered my “sacred zone”, that’s how I call the radius of my immediate Aura. Then, you stopped right in front of me, locked eye contact and talked to me with a voice that was so calmed and natural, as if we had known each other for a lifetime. You said “Are you coming or what?” at first I thought you weren’t talking to me but after a little while, I remembered I was alone there, at the top of the pent-house, with nothing but my couch, my Rubik’s cube and my cold drink at my side. If I had known that you were going to take me, embrace me and haunt my “sacred zone” for the rest of my days, maybe I wouldn’t have followed your spirit down that lane, down that building, down our lifetimes…

Or was it me? Was I the one who saw you, alone in that pent-house, doing your Rubik’s cube once and again, your mind slipping off into nothingness and back? Was I the one who stood in front of you, then walked slowly until I was two feet away from you? Did I, by any chance, used my self-confident voice to tell you “are you coming or what”? Was it me that embraced you ever after, always breaking into your “sacred zone” as you used to call that area around you?

Did I? Did I actually haunt you? Or was it you who haunted me? Or were both of us haunting each other?

Anyways, whoever haunted each other, or if we both were haunted doesn’t change a thing; we jumped off that one building at that one time… and you didn’t die with me… did you actually think that I would let that one simple, single, mistake by the hand of “god” go by unnoticed? You are going to die, right here, right now, and go to that place that you promised me…

Or did I promised it?